My take is that kids are ready for answers when they are old enough to ask by themselves. I found with my kids that they wanted simple, but not evasive, answers. In the situtation you described, I probably would have said. "A condom is a little latex sleeve that adults use to prevent diseases when they have sex." Every time I answered that way, it was enough for my kids when they were that age. If you shy away from the "S" word, you'll find it harder and harder to talk about when the kids really need to know. It shouldn't be a big deal. If your 4-year old hears that answer and asks "What's sex?" You just say "it is something adults to share their love and sometimes to make babies." Young kids really don't care about the details. They are just trying to place words into their conceptual framework.
Sex = part of the adult world. If you shy away from the topic, they are going to either wonder about this mystery that makes Dad so uncomfortable, or they are going to get very confused.

From your answer, I bet right now your 8-year old thinks that condoms go on your fingers. Straightening out that misconception is going to require alot more explanation some day.

I learned about sex when I was about 8 from reading a book with my Mom (don't remember the title, but this was back in the early 1970s, so there can't have been many!) Then I didn't think about it again until I was much older, but was then able to be the kid that straightened out my friends' misconceptions.

I'm really more of the opinion that it needs to be handled, age appropriately, as it comes up. I've got books set aside for each of my boys. Understanding your body goes far beyond sexual mechanics, yes, they have to understand what it is for, but they also will have to care for this equipment and what the hormone surges will do to other parts of their bodies. This is the one I've got for my eldest (also 8)

http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Body-Book-Everything-Growing/dp/1933662743/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210601850&sr=8-1

Don't assume they know it takes a man and a women unless you've told them.

They may learn that baby's only happen to those in love.. or that if they stand on thier heads after sex they wont get pregnant.

.. all good guesses from a bit of informaton.. but.. uh.. not quite right.

Do you really think your 11 year old doesn't have a clue about the mechanics? I think you should certainly not underestimate what your kids may or may not know.

I may not be the norm, but I had a pretty good understanding of the mechanics of sex from the school yard, at a very young age, although, it was mostly ill informed. If you wait until puberty, that could be too late for them.

Lying about condoms *IMHO* is also a very bad idea. Maybe you should move to Colorado Springs? Remember, STD's are Satan's way to punish gay people and infidels. :)

My personal feeling is that when mine is old enough to ask me (on her own) "Mommy, what is sex?"

Then it will be time to tell her. I will tailor my response to her age at the time, but I will be honest.

What a tough question for every parent!

Not speaking in relation to your situation, just my own experience:

I remember being ushered into a secret space and being told about 'doing it', by my younger city cousin. we were probably 7 and 5. my initiation into this was done in a way that this was 'secret' and 'forbidden' etc. there was no way i was going to mom and dad to clear up misconceptions! NOT. EVER. I have always shared honestly and not sidestepped anything with my children (now 5 and 7), and we talk about it without giggling and discomfort because it's just the way of the world, like how dinosaurs were or 'what's up above space?' children feel sexual feelings from the beginning (documented erections in utero!), why not share that this is real and a part of the world? i can tell you, just because my boys know, it's not like they are rushing out to try it, or even telling all their friends, because we didn't give it that 'forbidden' mystique. they have always known.

i think waiting to be asked, you may never be. waiting until they are 'ready', may be too late, at least too late to speak about it without putting our own nervous energy into it (and what does that tell our children?).

I believe you should alway be honest and start talking about sex appropriately at a very young age. We've already read "The Story Of Me:Book 1 (God's Design For Sex" (http://tinyurl.com/5av6aa) to our three year old daughter and Book 2 in the series to our 10 year old - he's ready for the third one now.

I have no idea how I will answer that question...

I have to agree with your other readers about being open about sex. I asked how babies were made at age five, and when I wasn't satisfied with sex, they explained what body parts were involved. I didn't know what an erection was or what an orgasm was until I hit puberty. You don't have to get into details in order to be honest at this stage. Good luck!

8 years old is enough. 11 is almost too old to not have had the talk yet. I'm 99% sure that your 11 year old knows a lot more than you think and that most of it is erroneous. If you wait until the onset of menses, she could be doing it by then. (I know a girl who was pregnant at 13) and it's better that she knows how you feel about it now.
As for the 8 year old, he is now convinced that condoms go on fingers.

I learned about sex in school in grade 5, at 11. I wouldn't recommend waiting until your 11 year old daughter starts menstruating. I recall knowing girls in my 6th grade class who were having sex, at 12 years old.

I think they are old enough to know some important things about sex and it's better for them to explain them what it is about.