I don't co-bed (at 2, my daughter is way too squirmy, always has been, nobody sleeps), but I think nudity is not a problem if that's what is comfortable for everyone. She bathes with us often, and she knows that my husband has a penis and she and I have vaginas. I am often nude around my daughter, and while I'm sure one of these days she will ask me to put some clothes on, we are all comfortable being naked around the house. I hope it stays that was as long as possible.

We sleep in the nude. I hate the feeling of PJs or nightgowns bunched up and twisted around me, plus I am nursing my 6-month-old. I do wear a pair of panties to bed and will likely transition to a cami when my almost-4-year-old seems uncomfortable with my nudity - but right now he doesn't. (In fact, I'm a little surprised he hasn't asked why he has to wear PJs!) For him, right now, naked bodies are functional - we're still working on potty training - not pleasurable.

Dave, do you think you're more sensitive to wearing boxers because you have girls? I just don't think about it much because media never report about mothers abusing sons - but there's an awful lot about fathers abusing daughters. I am sure my husband would wear boxers to bed as well if we had a girl, for that reason.

I will say that I think one benefit to wearing clothes at night is the reduction of friction between small limbs and sensitive parts like nipples... youch! ;)

We co-sleep and I'm a man.. our girl (1.5) starts in bed with Mommy.. while I put our boy (4.5) to bed in his own bed. I lay next to his bed, tell a story.. answer 2 to 4 questions he has.. then say goodnight and lay there next to the bed.. He drops to sleep in a matter of minutes and I head off to do some adult time.

My wife takes longer to get our girl to sleep .. sometimes nursing/passifying.. and I usually have to go in and wake her up so she can have her adult time.

I wear boxers.. but I've always done so.. anyway.. our boy shows up at 5 am.. later if he goes into the dining room and eats his breakfast (cereal in a ziplock in a bowl.. he gets a glass of milk we've already poured).

When we all finally get moving for the day.. well.. when they get moving.. they climb all over me (my wife has already left for work).. I guess I like that I have boxers on because it keeps my goods safer from slightly romping kids.. and we don't have any early-morning suprises from any snakes in our just-never-quite-enough-room bed.

I think you should do what's comfortable for you.. If you start thinking that maybe it's a bit weird.. well.. then it probably is getting weird and you're picking up on something... so it's probably time to start wearing something different.

Oh.. and our boy doesn't _have_ to wear pajamas.. he, like us, gets to wear what he wants.. we'll suggest things.. but .. well.. if he gets cold and wakes up.. he learns that not wearing things can lead to being cold... or you'll need more blankets..

The nude question is something I always wondered about as I started co-sleeping. Our children are all in their own beds now – and I often sleep in the nude and started to feel recently like I should cover up when my 7.5 year old son comes in, in the morning.

I think it is like Dave C mentioned, you should do what seems right for you. Your children will pick up on any uncomfortableness you might have or not. They will usually take your lead on that.

My 7.5 started by asking to have some privacy in the bathroom several months ago, so I think that is when I started to cover up in front of him. I do not make a big deal if I am not though and he does not seem bothered by it. I am still present when he baths and he is still comfortable with that. My husband doesn’t think about it either way. Our youngest daughter is 1.5, we’ll see what he does when she gets older.

Hm. I have a 3 year old (boy) who cosleeps full time and both of us parents sleep in the nude whenever we want to. We sometimes bathe together, too (one parent in the tub with the child) and don't really think a thing of it. My husband might feel differently if we had a girl. I do sleep in underwear, but did so before we had children, as well.

I also remember crawling into bed with my mom as a teen. Not every night or anything, but if I wasn't feeling well, or if it was stormy, or if I'd had a particularly bad dream. It wasn't so much that I needed to sleep with her all the time, but it was nice knowing the door was open if I needed it.

We have a one year old boy and we co-sleep ful time. We have a co-sleeper attached to our bed but until now we have only used it once. For both of us it feels so comfortable to share the bed with our boy that we haven't started thinking of moving him to his crib. I think we will just wait until he is ready. About the nudity...it is not such an issue in Europe. When is warm we sleep naked and also walk around the house in underwear. Skin contact (skinship) is especially beneficial for small babies and nursing mothers. It relaxes both of them, helps baby to balance her body temperature, increases milk supply and much more. We also bath together and go to nudist beaches. It is quite common in Europe, especiall in Scandinavian countries. We just do what feels comfortable and natural for all of us. But I believe it depends on our liberal upbringing :-)

Nudity is not much of a problem here in Japan, either. People are not that up-tight about it, because communal bathing is traditional, and still quite common. They even still have a few mixed-sex hot spring baths around in country areas (The missionaries got rid of most of them a century ago.).

"Hadaka no tsukiai" (hanging out together naked) is an expression used to refer to having a friendship with someone in which you sometimes go to the hot springs together and hang out naked. In other words, there is not much hidden between you. This is seen as important in a society where what you say and what you really think are often different.

On the other hand, sleeping naked is not really the norm here, although there was a book out a few years back about how healthy it is to sleep nude.

In our family we usually all bathe together (Japanese baths are kind of square and deep, with a washing area next to the tub, so 2 adults and 3 pre-schoolers fit in.) In bed we all wear our PJs, or at least underwear, which solves the early-morning snake problem. The kids sleep in their own futons (right next to ours - the whole bedroom is one big mattress really) most of the time, and in ours sometimes. By the morning, we all tend to be piled up in the grown-ups bed, expecially during the cold winter.

As, I said, the nudity thing isn't such an issue here. However, with 3 pre-schoolers in our bed, I have been wondering about how we are ever going to have another one (if we decide to), if you know what I mean. there is always someone snuggling up BETWEEN us!!

As an "attachment parenting" parent before it was called that, my experience has been that the kids get out of bed when they are ready and are fine given the logic if you need them out sooner. My girls are now 19, 24 and 28. The last one slept in my bed periodically (sometimes for months on end) well into her teens (I was a single parent). The eldest had to adjust because we didn't have the multiple beds on the floor thing and there was only so much room when the new baby arrived. We did not sleep nude and I guess I would have had a few wonderings about it as they grew older, but it wasn't an issue for us.

Great site, by the way.

I guess I'm a little late on this topic, but I figured I post something any way. My aunt and uncle cosleep with their children and frankly, it freaks me out. I think that when children are young and small, there is no harm done. However, the two girls are now 11 and 14 and they both still sleep with mom and dad. I have no idea about nudity, and at this point, I certainly hope there is none. I know most people on this site are fans of cosleeping. Does anyone find the ages here a bit disturbing? Its every single night that the girls fight over who will sleep with mommy and who gets to sleep with daddy. When I was 14 there was no chance that I would sleep in the same bed as my father nor would he have wanted to. I would have slept with my mother only if we were traveling or there was no where else to sleep, but not just for fun.

I am also late to post on this topic, but it's because I just found this blog!!
We have 2 amazing children-11 year old daughter and 9 year old son.
We still co-sleep, although they each have their own rooms for whenever they need their own privacy.
I do not think there is an age limit on being intimate with your children. I hope to have the same closeness with my kids when they are 50 (should I make it that far). Co-sleeping is just a natural extension of intimacy and protection that parents offer their loved ones.
I encourage you all to continue your co-sleeping as long as possible. The only thought that makes me shudder is one day being apart from my DD and DS when they go off to their own lives. I'm hoping they'll co-sleep, too. We've joked about having a giant grandparent co-sleep-in (3 generations of spooning) when they have children of their own.
As far as pajamas are concerned, I know that I try to remember the boxers at bedtime, but sometimes it's too hot with all the bodies in the bed (king-size, thank goodness) and a little nudity never hurt anyone.
I am a RSO, though, and we have had slight moments of awkwardness with school officials who obviously subscribe to conservative paranoia. My advice, keep your intimacies intimate, and let others act as they wish.

I ageree a little nudity never hurt anyone. My wife and I have slept nude for almost 20 years now. Our two girls are cuddlers at ages 15 and 11. They do frequently come in the bedroom on Saturday and Sunday mornings, slip under the covers and we all laugh and talk and even sometimes wrestle around. They are never nude by their own choice, but accept us as we are. My wife and I are seen quiet often nude or in various states of dress or undress and it's considered very normal in our home. The girls have slept with us before and co-bed sharing has never been a problem for either of us.

Me and my husband sometimes sleep nude in the summer and sometimes in the night we might end up with kids in our bed but my boys(6 and 8) know that being nude is not a bad thing..so I think it's not bad to be nude in front of your kids...your relationship between you and your partner is a very special thing an I think sharing those moments togethor is very special my sons sometimes choose to sleep with us sometimes but not every night and besides they are usually up before us at the beach(behind our house) surfing. So it's not like we never get alone time ....

On May 13, 2007 Christa posted:

"We sleep in the nude. . . . I do wear a pair of panties to bed and will likely transition to a cami when my almost-4-year-old seems uncomfortable with my nudity - but right now he doesn't. (In fact, I'm a little surprised he hasn't asked why he has to wear PJs!)"

Well, why does he have to wear PJs when the rest of you are sleeping nude?

Me and Hubby Has slept Naked Forever!! Our Son Who is 10-11 next month.Has never slept with us.But Our 1 year old girl does..But we have no issue being in front of our kids naked ..I think it is natural..Of Course My son did ask me last week as I was getting dressed In the Laundry room Dont I think Hes getting a little to old to see me naked..(lol)Of course I told Him Probaly So I also told him That He has always seen me and his dad naked so why stop now it aint like hes gonna forget what we look like naked..lol..Of course my mom has a different opinion on this..lol.. we have always taken baths with our children ..I did stop when my son was about 9 because I will say it was uncomfortable being in a closed area..But I still Prance thru the House naked..Of course Me and Hubby Discussed this the other night after our son made that comment , So I will try not to ba as naked around him but it is hard to break a habbit. Of course then again my son doesnt seem to have a issue with running around nakes hisself!!lol.. We think he just has a issue with me because I'm pregnant again..lol..

Oh, I'm so glad to see all these comments! I thought our sleeping arrangement was strange until I saw others do this too. Our son is 4 years old and although my hubby likes to wear briefs (my son too - just like daddy) I only feel comfortable sleeping nude. Our son's old pediatrician would go nuts if she read this. She told us we should absolutely have him sleep only in his crib. This is also the same dr. that said nursing after 1 year old was "weird". My kid was 2 years old and fussy after 2 hrs. waiting for his checkup when she came in and saw me nursing him and said that. Anyway, I'm glad to see we're not that weird. Or maybe she's the weird one. :-)

I think it is natural for a mother and father to be nude around their children until a certain age- not exactly sure what age yet though. I agree with the comment someone made about it's different with a father and daughter in an age where there are rampant reports of sexual abuse, but my husband is uncomfortable being naked around our son, although he said that his mother bathed with him until he was 3. I remember my mother bathing with me, but never my father. My son is no longer a co-sleeper, he is a horrible sleeper and kicks all the time, so none of us were rested in the morning. I frequently went to sleep when he was co-sleeping even though he didn't breastfeed. I think the skin-skin contact with him helped him sleep then. (he was only a couple days old and started sleeping through the night.) He sleeps in a crib now next to our bed on my side and I love still being so close to him. (He falls asleep holding my hand through the crib railing.) It scares me to have him in another room where anything could happen to him and I might not hear. The doctors also gave me pamplets and articles everytime I took him for a checkup about the dangers of co-sleeping, so I lied and said that he didn't sleep with us anymore months before he actually moved out of the bed.

well, I love that I have found this site. I have a 10 yo daughter and an 8 yo son and a 2 1/2 mo. old daughter. my older two sleep on one matress and dad, baby and I sleep on another. Honestly, my hubby isn't thrilled with the idea, but I used to work for a 911 center and have anyways always been a bit paranoid about break-in's. There was a break-in at my house when i was about 13 and the perp broke into my sister's room. this house is old and I can't hear anything in the kids room when we are in our room hence the arrangement. In a new house they will probably be in their own room, and baby with us. The kids like it and they are independent in other areas and so i don't think the age is a big deal. they feel safe and protected this way and i feel that i've done the right thing in being there for them.

I was just wondering if there is a age limit for kids of the opposite sex to be sleeping in the same room together. I have 2 kids one girl one boy. My daughter is 4 and my son will be 2 next month. I was just wondering if it is ok for them to share a room together.

Someone asked on here if anyone had problems with co-sleeping. I'm not a fan of it and think that attachment parents CAN take things way too far. The carrying around in slings until 4 years old (yes, many do) and the nursing until 5 etc. But, this sleeping naked with kids is highly upsetting!

I'm not going to argue the merits of co-sleeping and usually have a "live and let live" mentality but sleeping naked with kids over, say, 2 or 3 is just plain weird. These parents love to make wild statements like "we're always naked around our kids and they love it. We wrestle with them naked and it is great." Just because they say it, doesn't make it right. I'm no prude but sleeping with children naked is just plain wrong and 99% of the population would agree. The 1% of the attachment parenting gang is just plain flawed!!!!!

I think it would be awesome if the parents who sleep with kids until they're tweens and don't vaccinate (and other weird things they've picked up)would be called out for who they are - WEIRDOS!

Thanks for reading,
Jennifer Chenault
East Lansing, MI

Hi. I am just starting out in the blogging arena and found this site and wanted to tell you how much I like it. If you have a chance, I would like to exchange some emails or talk with you about it, so let me know if that would be possible.

By the way, we were "attachment parents" too, but didn't call ourselves that at the time.

Our daughter slept with us over different times of her childhood...we called it "camping out together!"

We did not use discipline, but rather integrated ideas from attachment theory and the parenting research of john gottman...Raising emotionally intelligent children:the heart of parenting...anybody read this? I believe it is the # 1 book on parenting and attachment parents would love it.

Thanks for a great site!

Bill Martin
Psychotherapist in chicago

www.counselinginchicago.com

I still snuggle on occasions with my 12 year old girl. I am always fully clothed and always lie on top of the covers. I try to limit the time to 5 minutes. Most of the time I am able to but sometimes I fall asleep. My probably soon to be exgirlfriend thinks its disgusting. I think it provides comfort and security, my girls are mostly A students with lots of friends and are very confident. I woulod like some feedback from other dads with girls. Thanks.

Lee, seems to me that it's not a big deal to be warm and affectionate with your daughter. As long as there's nothing other than parental affection, seems completely harmless. But your girlfriend and her reaction, well, "disgusting" is a darn strong word. Maybe you should stick with your daughter and find a new girlfriend who understands the benefit of having a loving Dad as a boyfriend?

I'm a separated mother of an 18 mo old. I "partially co-sleep" (i.e. she goes down in her crib, when she wakes up she gets nursed and spends the rest of the night in bed with me). This has always been our way since she was 4 months old when she first went into a crib. (She moved so much and I couldn't sleep with her and my husband in bed). Since we separated 8 months ago I've just continued the pattern as it really works for my daughter and I. My ex-husband has just started having our daughter for the odd night - and while he always did somewhat question the co-sleeping as she got older, he did follow her usual pattern and spent the second half of the night with her in bed...and he LOVED it. I was thrilled - partially b/c he now realizes why I do it, and b/c he also loved it. I think there is a beautiful bond between parent and child that becomes particularly evident in the wee early hours of the morning when life is all about love and innocence. At this point I have zero issues with nudity and still bathe with my daughter a few times a week. She's just learning about her own body and I encourage her in discovering the differences in physical aspects of males/females (our dog has helped in this too!) and don't see a need to be ashamed of who we are.

Lee, from my perspective (as a mother), I think it's beautiful that you share those moments with your daughter. And I HOPE that my daughter will get that from her father as she ages too. Life is full of moments you'll never get back if you let them pass you by. If you feel it's right, trust in your instincts as a father.

Just listen to all of you. Your lives are dictated by a few bad people in the world (I am refering to those who hurt kids) and the media. We as Americans believe they have to make others happy and we as Americans always worry about what others think. What is wrong with our society when a father is ashamed to be nude in front of his daughter because of what someone else might think about it? These problems are only in America and created by Americans.

I left America years ago. I have lived in Sweden, France, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Ukraine, Russia, Korea, Malaysia, and now China. In none of these countries is this even an issue. In France people swim nude on the beach together. In Sweden all men and boys share the same sauna together and everyone is nude. Some fathers even bring their daughters in with them. The same for the mothers and girls. Ukraine and Russia are open about themselves as well. And China?? Well, everyone in Asia sleeps with their parents most of their lives. Kids take showers with their parents even past puberty. Sex doesn't matter. Siblings always shower together. Kids sleep with their parents often because there is but one bedroom in the home. Even when there is more, they still sleep with mom and dad or have 2 beds pushed up against each other.

There is nothing wrong with showing children nudity or for them to see nudity. It is only wrong when we, as adults, make it shameful, discusting, sexual, etc. A father who is not a pedophile should not worry about having on his boxers when his daughter is in bed with him. A mother should not worry about her son seeing her nude. Only in America where everyone tries to please others or keep others from making opinions about us are these things even brought up.

Live your life how you like and don't worry about what others think.

Brian

I'm concerned about my husband's behavior with my one and half year old baby girl. He seems to prefer when she is naked, which is how I often find her when I come home from work (he looks after her while I'm gone). That in itself is not a big deal. But several times I have noticed he has an erection while kissing or playing with her. Every once in a while he'll blurt out something like, "she looks so good", or something similar. And recently, I caught him masturbating in the bed with her napping next to him (he said it was no different than us having sex next to her- we cosleep).

Does this seem inappropriate? Am I just being paranoid?
Molly

Ah, well, Marla, I would call a professional family counselor and get them into the picture, personally. Sounds like you and your husband might need some help (he'll never go by himself anyway, I imagine).

Personally, I think you aren't just being paranoid, I think that your husband has some issues recognizing that a naked baby is not a sexual being or a plaything and it'd be better to address it before it's a scary problem.

Good luck.

Thank you for your advice- the problem is we recently moved to a remote area- no therapists here.

I was wondering, as a dad with a daughter, did you ever get an erection while playing with and kissing her? Again, this morning in bed, my husband got an erection while we were both kissing her. Is this just something that happens to men? Should I try to talk with him about it?
Thanks
Molly

Molly, this could be innocent but it is certainly a troubling behavior by your husband. I think you should talk with him if it makes you uncomfortable. It's your daughter too, after all. Good luck!

Molly, the pattern of behavior is disturbing. Any one of those things alone would be understandable. But, I'd be concerned. You aren't simply paranoid. At the same time, it is possible that it could be nothing. It's just that the masturbating thing sounds very unusual. I think most men would have gone to another room (I would have).

We have 2 kids a girls 10 boy 7 they sometimes sleep with us and my husband and I both sleep nude,in the summer somtimes so do the kids.We see eachother nude all the time and we just don't see what the big deal is.Yes both my husband and son wake up with morning wood but so what they go pee and it goes away.

I have a question.....Does anybody know the age limit for having 2 children male and female,sleeping in the same bedroom?i have been trying to get this answered for 2 weeks and no one seems to kno.this would really help out thanks.

Kayla, honestly, I think this is one where you, as the parent, need to decide. It's going to be different for different families based both on the upbringing of the parents *and* the children themselves. When you begin to feel uncomfortable having a boy and girl sleeping in the same room you should separate 'em, but outside of the US, most families are jammed into a small number of rooms for the duration of childhood, so separate rooms is also a bit of a blessing here.

I need help! My son is 16 months old... really close to being 17 months old. He has been co sleeping with my husband and I since he was born, but now he's getting to big and he moves alot. I have been trying to teach him to sleep in his bed since he was 9 months old, but it doesn't work. We even bought him a toddler bed. We've tried it out in his room and in ours. I've tried setting up night time rituals...the whole warm bath, reading, singing thing...it hasn't helped. It just makes him want to sleep with us more. My son wakes up several times a night for a sippy cup. ( He's been broke from his bottle since he turned 1.) I really would like some sleep. I find it hard to sleep with him, plus he wakes up so many times in a night. Please give me some advice. I would really appreciate it.

To Molly, or anyone with a similar problem. I think many people confuse feelings of love with sexual desire. They do link together and can do healthily, but in this case perhaps the balance has tipped too far in one direction and feelings towards the wife are mixed in somehwere?

When nursing my partner at my breast in a loving manner, I feel my vagina respond and soften. This is not sexual but a physiological response (fondling of the breasts and clitoris can help baby along in labour, etc).

In this case, I would see a specialist, talking in a group counselling session and possibly one on one for the husbnad. It would be important to be open minded and to truly listen and help the husband work through his entire feelings on sexual desire towards himself, his own sexual history (eg. possible abuse in the past by him), and feelings towards his wife in particular - perhaps they've been misplaced and he sees his wife's beauty in the child somehow.

I hope this helps - I'm by no means experienced in these things.

to the one with the hubby? He is turned on by your daughter. That is NOT normal and NOT innocent. And him masterbating next to her is sexual abuse. YOu should report him to the police,get help from child services, SOMETHING,but he has broken the law in a bad way and needs help. He has also broken your daughter in severe emotional ways,and you need to protect her.you are an accessory if you let him anywhere near her from then on in. Just as guilty, in the eyes of the law, i would imagine. I know it's hard to swallow and be aware of, but he is exhibiting severe signs of PEDOPHELIA. if you look at it as an illness, which i believe it IS, maybe that will bode better with your view of him. YOu are sleeping with someone who gets sexually arounsed by your daughter. That is not normal either. SEEK HELP FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS SAKE< I IMPLORE YOU.The more this goes on the more damage will ensue with her and her life and potential will NEVER be on an even playing field.