I agree with you that's it's not easy to do.

With our five year old, we never really taught her the skill of how to fall asleep by herself. We'd read to her until she fell asleep, and then leave her in her room.

With her soon-to-be two-year old sister, we tried really hard to give her the skills she needed to be able to fall asleep by herself. It was really easy when she was in a crib.

But once she was able to start to climb out of her crib, then it got more difficult.

Now, my trick is to put them to bed at the same time and read them both books.

The good news is that they share a room, so that makes it easy.

The more challenging part is that the two year old still takes a long nap during the day, so it's usually her five year old sister who falls asleep first.

Not so easy!!
-- Jeff

Is your 13 year old able/willing to babysit? If she isn't, she likely will be within a year or so, I would think.
Also, have you considered letting the 5 and 2 year old sleep together when you are out?

Thanks for the suggestion, Katie, but I have a 13yo, a 9yo, and a 5yo. No 2yo since a long time ago. :-) The problem is that the children overall get a bit anxious at night without me present, so just leaving them won't result in any progress and I'd come home at whatever time I did with them all still up. It's tough. I know that if it were just the two girls (13yo and 5yo) it'd work, but add my boy to the mix and the dynamic just changes.

Oops! Meant to say 5 and 9. Trying to type too fast! My kids get anxious when we are out too, so I can relate, but we do try to leave our 12 year old in charge for short (up to 2 hours) times so they can get used to it, and we get a break without having to pay for a sitter. In fact, I am about to leave for a meeting at school and he will be the boss while I am gone. :) We will do special things like rent a video or allow extra computer time while we are gone to distract them and make things go more easilly for him. Our kids are almost 13, almost 11 and 8, so a bit older than yours, though.

Ok this scares me. We have a 4 month old and the perpetual debate between my husband and me is about attachment parenting. I am all for it and have been trying to convince him that if we spend a lot of time with her at bed time now (we start bed time rituals at 7:30, take her in to the bed room at 8:30 and she finally falls asleep at 10 pm), then she will be more secure and more independent later and that she will outgrow needing us to fall asleep every night and there is some time in the future where we can both spend time alone. Now I am re considering...help!

We've never had a sitter other than an extended family member, and we're ok with that (and now we don't have family near by, so we're really up a creek!). Our kids are 11, 4, and 6 months old, so we can't really leave them with the oldest yet.

Our thinking is that our kids are the most important things (?) in our lives, so giving up on some outside of the home entertainment in favor of family time is cool with us. Our kids know they're cared for and loved, and that's our goal - not catching the latest movie or going to a club. Some think we're nuts, but we don't care... haha.

I do think my attitude might change if I was a single dad, but can't say for sure.

Anu, you have to admit, a 2 1/2 hour bedtime ritual is eating into your life big time. At four months your baby should be sleeping most of the day anyway, so perhaps it's the very rituals you partake in that keep her up and curious about what's going on?

Derek, I appreciate your comment, but I will say that from my own experience, sacrificing your solo time with your spouse, sacrificing date nights, etc, so that you can "always be there" for your children is a very risky proposition. I'm sure that they can survive a babysitter once a month, for example, and being able to go out for dinner and have a quiet evening without the kids is good for the two of you and will help keep your relationship strong. I'll also add that the best couples I have seen are those that value their *partner* as #1, then the kids as a very, very close #2. Something to think about...

Finding babysitters can be tough. My wife and I went through an arduous selection process and came home early to find ours with her boyfriend. Needless to say she was let go. This article has some good tips on how to select a babysitter.
/www.life123.com/parenting/young-children/babysitters/be-smart-hire-smart.shtml

I love your comments on the bedtime ritual. We have an 11 year old and have basically co-slept with him since infancy in one fashion or another. Meaning our bed or his. Now, at 11, he still loves his "snuggle time." I must point out that he is an only child. I am not sure if that matters. So, for the last six years, I have been trying to decide should I force him to go to sleep on his own or give him the secure sleep space he wants. Obviously, I didn't make any decisions, but will say that the thought of just putting him in his room and walking out and going downstairs feels like abandonment at this point. He will, if hard pressed, go to bed on his own now, if I am super tired or it's really late, but it's not his first choice. With only a few years until he's a teenager and I am not the only woman in his life, I don't want to give up snuggle time either. :) We had the same experience with babysitters. He wanted to wait up with the babysitter until we got home. He would say, " is she putting me to bed?" Then, freak out if we even suggested it. Mother-in-law to the rescue. She lives reasonably close so he could go spend the night with her, but again only if he had to and he would sleep with her in her bed. With all this said, he is the most loving, independent, self-assured young man. This way of parenting just came right from the heart and feels so right.

I just stumbled across your blog (literally, by searching "attachment parenting" in Stumble!) and am bookmarking it. It's not often that AP dads blog (well, that I've found yet), and the fact that your kids are so spread apart in age makes it interesting. So many of the parents in my local AP group drop out after their kids hit 6 or 7, but I'm sure they still hold AP ideals!
Looking forward to reading more.